Showing posts with label philosophy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label philosophy. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Post the Thirty-Second

Hey everyone. It's summer and I'm jobless, which means LIFE OF A PASTRY IS BACK! I'm back to writing poems, because I got tired of pretending I write for Cracked. Anyway, today's poem is dedicated to anyone who's taken a philosophy class.

A Variation on an Old Story

A professor sits down in his classroom,
ready to give his students their philosophy final.
The final consists of one essay question,
in which the students have to prove
that the professor's chair does not exist.

Most of the students write for the full two hours,
some writing as many as thirty pages
trying to prove that that chair does not exist.
Billy, however, being the most clever student in class,
simply wrote on the exam, "What chair?"
and turned it in to the professor.

The students got all of their exams back,
and Billy noticed he got an F on his,
because a two word essay is clearly too short
for a college-level philosophy exam.
That's what Billy gets for being a smug douche.

--Pastry

Monday, December 7, 2009

Post the Twenty-Eighth

I've decided I want this site to be more philosophical in nature. (Bullshit.) So today on Life of a Pastry, I prove that you've been doing philosophy all this time, and you haven't even known it!

Rude Philosophy

How can I know that anything exists outside of my own mind?
When I'm having sex, how do I know I'm not just masturbating?

If there is no free will, am I still responsible for my actions?
How drunk do I have to be before I can fuck an uggo and it doesn't count?

Is there such a thing as evil thoughts?
It's cool if I fantasize about your mom, right?

How can a loving, all-powerful God create a world with evil in it?
Oh my God, why haven't you gone away?

Do we punish criminals because they deserve it, or because it benefits society?
Should I bang your girlfriend because you're an asshole, or because she'd love it?

--Pastry