Post the Fifteenth

Hey, everyone. Hope you all had a great weekend. (But if you didn't, I don't really care all that much.) Today on Life of a Pastry, a father teaches his son a very important lesson. In rhyme.

How to Overcompensate

Son, I think it's time we chat,
not just on this, or just on that,
but about something you might have realized.
Please, boy, don't take too much to heart
when you get a glimpse of that tiny part
that rests above your balls and 'tween your thighs.

I know your member's really small,
but nobody should care at all,
so long as you do enough to compensate.
So here are just a couple tips
I know for sure will help you skip
past all the pain your small friend might create.

Buy really fancy, shiny cars,
and travel near, and travel far,
and make sure that you talk sports with your "boys."
Drop names of bigwig guys you know,
and call all people "babe" or "bro,"
no matter how much everyone's annoyed.

Go tan at really nice salons
and talk about your goings-on
with women that you know find you unpleasant.
Call sunglasses "shades," and where them inside,
and don't say "car," it's called a ride.
And sometimes go with friends to hunt for pheasant.

See, you may not have the biggest dick.
It just might be the tiniest prick,
but that won't keep you, son, from going far.
'Cause folks won't give a shit (it's known)
about how big a dick you own.
It's all about how big a dick you are.

--Pastry