Post the Sixth

I'd like to start off this post by reminding everyone to tell all your friends about Life of a Pastry! I don't write for my own satisfaction, after all. (I don't really write for yours either, I just get off on the idea of people reading the shit I write.) Anyway, today on Life of a Pastry, I broach a subject that no doubt every parent has thought about at some point in their life:

Did I Fuck Up My Kid?

Aww, he just took his first steps! Our little boy is growing up!
To be honest I'm a little disappointed,
since he seemed to walk perfectly normally,
and I hired a Russian nanny with a limp
in hopes that she'd transform him into a James Bond villain.

Aww, he just played his first piano recital! Our son's so talented!
Of course I didn't go, because nothing's more embarrassing
than watching your own flesh and blood fuck up "Hot-Crossed Buns."

Aww, he joined a soccer team! Our little athlete!
Admittedly, I paid his coach twenty bucks to make sure he never played,
'cause there's no way any son of mine is participating in a sport
mostly played by women and Europeans.

But I'll be damned if I'm not going to his senior prom,
just to make sure he nails the hottest babe there.
Even if my prom date is his girlfriend.

--Pastry